Emotions

Your first "rejection" sorta hurts doesnt it.
It was the best thing Ive ever had, and after months of happiness, I feel like shit.
It doesnt help that everyone in my house has been asking me why Im upset.
I guess when Im so cheerful for sucha long time , then suddenly stop, it looks weird.
Also I start randomly tearing up and then Im like -_____- because I dont wanna cry !
Im supposed to have thick skin ,what is this ?
Its just, that moment when everything was soo perfect comes into my head, I get butterflies in my stomach, and then BAM. That ugly moment comes next and makes me tear up.
Well, here I go again.
Argghhhh honestly.
Even better my "favorite" day of the year is coming up- (Feb 14.)
Funny thing is, For the first time in like... 4 years I was actually excited for it. Now, Im back to my "fuck it" attitude.
lol greeeat

Life Complicated.

So here I am again, back at square 1 .
This is honestly one of the crappiest feelings Ive ever had, and it hurts, and I dont like it.
This is the feeling I least expected coming out from this.
I wonder if some of it is my fault, if it is anyones fault.
I guess I got my hopes up, and then I got hurt in the end, unintentionally .
What am I supposed to do ? Move on, pretend it doesn't hurt ?
I cant do that. It does hurt, and its gonna take a while to move on, especially after feeling like this.
Other than the fact that theres school, where he's around.
And I want to stay friends; its better than nothing at all.
Its just gonna be pretty hard, wondering about what couldve been.
It was going great, I was so happy .
Argh I have got to be the unluckiest girl on this planet -____-
Just when you think everythings gonna fall into place for the first time, theres the unexpected turn and you're back to nothing.
Idk how to feel now lmao
maybe Im acting like its a bigger deal than it really is, but I really do feel like crap o.O

Black & White

Disclaimer; No Disrespect to anyone ! Honestly, I love all of ya ;]

Ok so lately theres been an outbreak of fan pages on facebook, and one of them was, "How come its not racist when its directed towards white people"

And I became a fan, cause in most situations its true, and it annoys me.
I just noticed that whenever people talk about things, color is always involved in describing a person or situations.
Like, I understand racism is still present, but if you're the one complaining about it, why dont you stop with your remarks about a person's color ?
I saw something posted about a fight, and the person was referred to as "that white bitch". I'm gonna say this right now, and you know its true, but if I were to refer to someone as "that black bitch", I would have so much people up my ass. And thats not the reason I dont do that, I just dont feel it necessary to refer to someone as "that black bitch" or whatever.
Also, another time this was present was during the time of Obama's presidential election. In my school, 98% of the kids parents voted for Obama. However, mine voted for McCain, and NOT because of skin color, just because they liked him better. Idk, Im not involved in politics. Anyway, every time someone heard that, I was showered with remarks such as ,"Thats mad racist", "its cause Obama's black isnt it", "oh obviously, its cause your white". These people didnt even know what they were talking about. My aunt and grandma voted for Obama, so obviously theres no color preference. I hatehatehate when people say Im racist or say I do something because Im white. First of all, if I was racist, why the fuck would I go to a school where 90 something percent of the kids are spanish/ black ? Exactly.
It just gets me tight, and I haven't vented in a while.
Peace.

Midnight Rambling

So all week I was trying to decide what to write, and all week Ive been drawing a blank.
I guess Ill have to wing this one .

This might sound weird, but sometimes I wonder what exactly people like about me . Or... why they like the things they do ?

Im not some emo/omg theres nothing good about me thinking chick . I just happen to think Im pretty average .

Always on the first day of school, when they give out those index cards and ask us to write out our personal info/ favorite color/food, etc, theres always one question that stumps me.
"Whats one unique thing about you "

I honestly dont know. I dont have any special talents, Im not any sort of prodigy.
Im just a nice, average girl .

Not that Im complaining, I think Im alright (:

Just sometimes I wish I had a quality that added a little "oomph" to my being; something that people would remember about me .
Maybe its there, and I just haven't discovered it yet ?

Only time will tell .
:)

We dont choose .

My mom's mad at me. What else is new ?
It seems whenever I have a good day, it has to be the argument w. her that ruins it .
Seems like the majority of my sadness comes from our fights .
Little things I say or do that she doesnt like, she has to say something, and usually its something hurtful .

Ive been trying not to let it get to me.
Ive let this anger and frustration take a toll on me before, and its resulted in things I cant take back .

Sometimes, I wonder if I can have an amazing day, w.o coming home to one of her bad moods and being subjected to more arguing and yelling.

At least its not like this all the time.

We all need somebody to lean on (:

So I was just sitting here, preparing to blog about the weird day I had, how I sorta felt like crap and whatnot .
Im sitting, sitting, and Ive been waiting..
Whadya know ? My cell phone lights up , and I see the name Ive been waiting for (:
Ughh now I feel all fuzzy. It didnt even say anything cute, but it made me think that I must have crossed his mind for him to text first .
This always happens.
I dont crush too often, I'm sort of picky .
Last crush was argh, it was barely a crush, more of a maelstrom of being caught up in the excitement.
This one, I dont know . We're good friends now, and I would like to advance past that, but we'll see what happens.
With my luck, nothing will.
Nothing ever does lol .
Its good to hope though .
Anyways, I hope tomorrow will be great !
We barely have classes, and a dressdown, and a pre-Thanksgiving feast .
So, Im hoping for a good day .
And Im excited for the break, I need some time away from school .

Thats it for now
Toodles (:

Love ; such a silly little thing

Ever sat there with your phone, just waiting for that special someone to text you; for their name to appear on that little cell phone screen, saying you have a new message, and all this making your stomach flutter and you feel yourself fill with warmth ?

It sort of sucks when you see you have a new message, but its not from them, and then you dont want to text them first, but you find yourself wanting to talk to them, so in the end you end up texting them anyway .

I don't know, Ive been feeling like that lately :) And its a pretty good feeling sometimes, especially seeing the person smile at you at school and feeling yourself becoming all fuzzy .

I sound like some teen movie , but I can't help it .
:)