Midnight Rambling

So all week I was trying to decide what to write, and all week Ive been drawing a blank.
I guess Ill have to wing this one .

This might sound weird, but sometimes I wonder what exactly people like about me . Or... why they like the things they do ?

Im not some emo/omg theres nothing good about me thinking chick . I just happen to think Im pretty average .

Always on the first day of school, when they give out those index cards and ask us to write out our personal info/ favorite color/food, etc, theres always one question that stumps me.
"Whats one unique thing about you "

I honestly dont know. I dont have any special talents, Im not any sort of prodigy.
Im just a nice, average girl .

Not that Im complaining, I think Im alright (:

Just sometimes I wish I had a quality that added a little "oomph" to my being; something that people would remember about me .
Maybe its there, and I just haven't discovered it yet ?

Only time will tell .
:)

We dont choose .

My mom's mad at me. What else is new ?
It seems whenever I have a good day, it has to be the argument w. her that ruins it .
Seems like the majority of my sadness comes from our fights .
Little things I say or do that she doesnt like, she has to say something, and usually its something hurtful .

Ive been trying not to let it get to me.
Ive let this anger and frustration take a toll on me before, and its resulted in things I cant take back .

Sometimes, I wonder if I can have an amazing day, w.o coming home to one of her bad moods and being subjected to more arguing and yelling.

At least its not like this all the time.

We all need somebody to lean on (:

So I was just sitting here, preparing to blog about the weird day I had, how I sorta felt like crap and whatnot .
Im sitting, sitting, and Ive been waiting..
Whadya know ? My cell phone lights up , and I see the name Ive been waiting for (:
Ughh now I feel all fuzzy. It didnt even say anything cute, but it made me think that I must have crossed his mind for him to text first .
This always happens.
I dont crush too often, I'm sort of picky .
Last crush was argh, it was barely a crush, more of a maelstrom of being caught up in the excitement.
This one, I dont know . We're good friends now, and I would like to advance past that, but we'll see what happens.
With my luck, nothing will.
Nothing ever does lol .
Its good to hope though .
Anyways, I hope tomorrow will be great !
We barely have classes, and a dressdown, and a pre-Thanksgiving feast .
So, Im hoping for a good day .
And Im excited for the break, I need some time away from school .

Thats it for now
Toodles (:

Love ; such a silly little thing

Ever sat there with your phone, just waiting for that special someone to text you; for their name to appear on that little cell phone screen, saying you have a new message, and all this making your stomach flutter and you feel yourself fill with warmth ?

It sort of sucks when you see you have a new message, but its not from them, and then you dont want to text them first, but you find yourself wanting to talk to them, so in the end you end up texting them anyway .

I don't know, Ive been feeling like that lately :) And its a pretty good feeling sometimes, especially seeing the person smile at you at school and feeling yourself becoming all fuzzy .

I sound like some teen movie , but I can't help it .
:)

Untouchable; burning brighter than the sun x3

Oh crushes. What do they do to girls ? They make your stomach all fluttery, make you blush just being around that person, make you laugh a little more .
I'm sort of sick of crushes. The last one ended up such a mess that it confused me, but it taught me well.
Here are some rules, kids :
1- If he likes you, he'll talk to you. He won't ignore you at school, he won't make you go over to him.
2-He'll talk about the possibility of a relationship, not just ask you when you two are going to make-out .
3-If he's a good guy, your friends will like him too, and you won't have to fight with them over the fact that he really is nice.
4-He'll try to get your friends to like him, and apologize if he gets into fights with them.

Sound like good rules? I know, too bad they didn't work for me . These are what I learned after I had an epiphany about what I was getting into.

This may sound weird, but I realized I never actually liked him. I hadn't been in a relationship, and I guess I got caught up in the possibility and in the fact that someone started paying attention to me so much. However, I didn't listen to my heart at first and I ended up having to hear "I told you so" from both my inner being and my friends.

I guess now Im gonna wait for something real, and something I don't have to argue over and try to find the best of.
After all, "when you find something real, everything else falls into place "

The Changes of Junior Year

I don't even know where to start. 11th grade changed everything SO much. So much drama to deal with, and most of it is so pointless. I dont get why its so hard to stay out of people's business. Friends move on, and stop speaking to each other for god knows what reason. People start to hate you.
I'm having a wonderful first 3 months of school.
After dealing with everything this year, Ive learned a few lessons. Im not gonna let stupid shit affect me, Ill just do me . If I let it get to me, Ill end up a mess, and noone needs that.
People ask me why Im so nice and happy. I choose to give off that personality. I have my own shit to deal with, so why broadcast my feelings to everyone ? I don't like being a bitch to people, sorry .
As for being happy all the time, have you heard the quote, "Maybe a smile is all you need to hide behind your secrets" ? Sometimes it works .
(:

not so fantastic new year . except..

ok so i haven't written in a while, and WOW. so much has happened, this might be like 2 different entries ;] but for now, ill start typing and see how i end.

so i've been fighting with my mom a lot. and its not like ugh leave me alone, noone loves me. no, not that crap. just nasty comments and ignoring each other for weeks. like i feel as if she just doesnt listen. not at all; unless im admitting that she's right, which i almost never do. i guess im just like her in some way, although i hate to admit it, just like she wont admit that she resembles grandma :]

another thing; i really have learned who not to trust. i have friends; a whole lot. but really, only like 3 know whats going on in my life. and i tell them because i know how they will respond. they'll make me feel better; not make a joke out of it. maybe give some advice that i won't take; but they'll convince me. i found friends who won't say things that make me feel bad. i found people who, unlike most, just don't care that someone at the next table is shooting a dirty look or talking trash. i found friends who withought them, idk where id be.

i've been missing my cousin, who died 3 years ago. he shouldnt have died, and i miss him alot. more than you can imagine. he was going to help me get into a good college; he was gonna make sure no boy ever broke my heart. he was gonna take care of me. i guess thats in the past now. =(

however, on the bright side, ironically; ive had the luckiest friday the 13th ive ever had. i thought it was gonna be a bad day. i missed my train, and was cold. my luck turned when i got to school! my math teacher was absent. then, i won the school raffle which was a free meal at a cafe. then, i won 5 extra points on my history test. after that, i hung out w. some close friends who are so fun to be around. and at the end of the day, i made a new friend. i guess i dont believe in superstition anymore, because not everyone falls under the fate of friday the 13th.

the last thing i want to talk about is love and relationships.so , since valentines day passed, i realized that even though ive been wanting a boyfriend, its ok if i dont have one now. i dont get why it surprises people when i say ive never had a boyfriend. maybe it just wasnt meant to be all these years. i have friends coming out of 2 year relationships, and at 15 yrs old, im ok to be single. sure its a little pang if the guy i like is an idiot, but hey, obviously ill find someone better. im sticking to this theory; there's a prince charming for every girl. mine just got lost and was too stubborn to ask for directions (:

so now im done, and ill update in a while.

peaceeeeeeeee (:

love, mee <3